10:32 a.m. - 2004-11-06
Under Attack
At least there were no more psycho-gamers the last two days. but oh Primus, lets not even talk about the absolute mind-numbing boredom that comes from working for something like this. i cannot handle boredom, i cannot handle idleness. they would kill me, or at the very least, cause me to get locked up in some asylum.
no, i have to keep occupied, especially my mind and my hands, but according to my idiotic superiors - i cant read, i cant write, i cant even sit down. no, i'm supposed to stand/walk around and wait for people to ask me for assistance. ARGH!!! Why is it always me?! i mean, go pick on the others for a change! one of them happily sits down and plays games, another one happily stands around and reads, yet another sits around and does bugger-all, and another hacks into the internet and surfs... and do they get told off? Slag No!
Its just me! Why? Because i dont kiss up to my supervisors like they do? GAH! i've never kissed-up to any superior in my life, why the fuck should i start now?! ugh, face it Jo, no matter where you go or what you do, you'll always be an outcast, i'll always be too slagging different to fit in anywhere. i've accepted it y'know. i'm not being bitter about it. its just that sometimes being me can get so. friggin. lonely.
heh.. how else did you think i was able to write that Cosmos fic so accurately?
and why is it that work can sometimes turn perfectly nice people into evil monsters who snap at you, yell at you, call you stupid, and then pretty much back-stab you..
Under attack, I'm being taken
About to crack, defenses breakin'
Wont somebody please have a heart
Come and rescue me now
'Cause I'm falling apart?
Frag it all, this job is starting to make me feel like i'm back in school all over again. first the ostracizing, then the depression... and before you know it, the medicine cabinet starts to look very attractive. Primus, i cant believe i'm even thinking like this, thought i'd out-grown it. i mean, i'm supposed to be the strong one, the one everyone comes to when they need to be pulled out of their depressed funk. so Primus forbid Jo ever gets depressed cos then who's gonna pull her out?
*sighs and slumps* y'know, everyone thinks i'm always such a bright and perky person, and normally i am, but sometimes they tend to forget that hey, i can get hurt and depressed too. its just that i mostly keep it to myself and keep that happy front projected. but yea, i'm very prone to depression myself. i never said i was perfect.
Can i just run off and join a carnival?
i'm trying to pick myself up, God knows i hate burdening people with my problems and i very rarely do it. i watched Princess Diaries 2 on Thursday night, and hung out at Rapid Culture the last two evenings playing with TFs and Ponies and what not. Primus bless those guys, but they do cheer me up.
Anyways i have 3 days off from work. hopefully i'll be able to yank myself out of this funk.
Slaggit but i just need a hug.
